Have you noticed something different about me?
Yes, it’s my moustache. Let me tell you the story of how it came to be.
This story starts over 20 years ago, back when I was in my early 30s and just starting my career as a home designer. It was an exciting time for me—I was passionate, driven, and eager to make my mark in the industry. But there was one challenge I couldn’t ignore: I looked way too young to be taken seriously!
Now, youthful looks might sound like a blessing. And sure, when you’re asked for ID in your 40s at a bar, it feels great. But when you’re sitting across from clients, trying to convince them to trust you with their dream home project, looking like someone who just just came out of high school isn’t exactly helpful.
I decided I needed to do something about it. I thought to myself, How can I make myself look older and more credible? The answer came to me like a flash of brilliance: I’d give myself a salt-and-pepper look. You know, the kind of mature, worldly hairstyle that instantly commands respect.
So, armed with this genius plan, I went to the salon and confidently told them my vision. I wanted to look experienced, wise—someone who had been around the block. The stylist nodded, probably suppressing a smile, and got to work.
But the one thing I hadn’t accounted for was the sheer determination of my thick black Asian hair. It did not want to play along. Instead of the sophisticated, silver-streaked look I was going for, I walked out with a head full of… blonde hair. Yes, blonde! Not platinum blonde, not ash blonde—just a bright, brassy blonde that looked like it belonged in a punk rock concert.
Instead of looking like the wise, seasoned professional I had imagined, I looked like someone in the middle of an identity crisis. I’m guessing my clients were understandably confused.
That experiment didn’t last long. I quickly gave up the idea of dyeing my hair and accepted the fact that I’d just have to work harder to build credibility the old-fashioned way: by proving myself through my work and my portfolio. And honestly, that taught me something important about myself.
Fast Forward to Today
Now, fast forward two decades. I’m a seasoned designer and entrepreneur with many accolades to my name. I’m also a business coach—a mentor to others—and I’ve gained wisdom through life’s experiences and 30 years in the design and construction industry. And guess what? Nature has finally gifted me a few white hairs. They’re not evenly spread out like that salt-and-pepper look I once dreamed of. But recently, I noticed that the facial hair on my chin had a greater concentration of the wisdom whites that I had always wanted.
And yup, you guessed it, an idea from 20 years ago resurfaced! I thought, Why not grow a moustache? Maybe it would give me the distinguished look I’ve been waiting for all these years. And so, here I am, proudly sporting it.
The Chase for “Enough”
But here’s the thing: this story isn’t really about my hair—or even about looking older. It’s about something much deeper. It’s about how we all chase after an image of who we think we should be, instead of embracing who we truly are. This chase for something we’re not shows up in so many ways.
We’ve all experienced moments of feeling inadequate, haven’t we? Maybe it’s the imposter syndrome whispering, “You’re not good enough for to land that project.” Or that inner critic saying, “You don’t deserve this success.” Or maybe it’s the endless cycle of comparing yourself to others—seeing someone’s flashy Instagram post of their latest design project, their beautiful vacation photos, their perfectly curated life, and wondering, “Why don’t I have that?“
Everyone struggles with this in some form. I call this the “I am not good enough” syndrome. And it’s universal. I bet you even the most accomplished, celebrated individuals—people like Tom Cruise or Taylor Swift—have moments where they feel like they don’t measure up.
So you’re not alone in feeling that way. And here’s an even more powerful truth: feeling inadequate is not a flaw. It’s a shared human experience. The coaching tip I can offer is learn to externalize it—to recognize that these feelings aren’t you. They’re just noise. —external pressures, comparisons, and doubts that we’ve allowed to define ourselves. But that’s where the limiting belief is. They don’t define you.
Your Essence is Enough
Let’s dive into this a bit more. Who are you when you strip away all the external markers of identity—your physical features, your job title, your accomplishments, your possessions? What is the core essence of you? The part of you that exists no matter what.
Let me ask you something: If you were in a war and lost a limb, would you still be you? Of course, you would!
The story of Stephen Hawking shows us this.
Stephen Hawking was diagnosed with ALS at the age of 21, a debilitating neurodegenerative disease that gradually paralyzed him over his life. Despite losing his ability to walk, speak, and even move most of his body, he defied the odds to become one of the most renowned theoretical physicists of all time. Using a speech-generating device operated by a cheek muscle, he made groundbreaking contributions to our understanding of black holes and the universe. His book A Brief History of Time became a global bestseller, making complex science accessible to millions.
People like Stephen Hawking, who accomplished extraordinary things despite immense physical challenges, remind us that our essence goes far beyond our physical bodies.
Let’s think about another scenario. What if you lost all your material wealth? Would you still exist? Absolutely. There are countless stories of people who’ve gone bankrupt, only to rebuild their lives stronger and wiser. Losing everything taught them that they weren’t defined by their possessions—it was their resilience, their ability to adapt and create, that made them who they were.
The story of Walt Disney is a perfect example of this. Before the success of Mickey Mouse and Disneyland, Walt Disney’s first animation studio, Laugh-O-Gram Studios, went bankrupt in 1923. After losing everything, he moved to Hollywood with just $40 in his pocket and started again. He eventually built the Disney empire, which remains one of the most successful entertainment companies in the world today.
What if you lost all your accomplishments? Let’s say you’re a Nobel Prize winner or a Ph.D. professor, but you’ve retired and no longer reference your accolades. Are you any less of a person? No. Compare that person to a stay-at-home dad who hasn’t won awards or built a prestigious career but is a devoted husband and a loving father. Is he any less valuable? Of course not.
We live in a society that teaches us to tie our worth to external things—our looks, our careers, our wealth. But the truth is, those things don’t define us. When we lose them, what remains is the essence of who we are: our character, our spirit, our kindness, our ability to love and connect.
Let me tell you something I’ve learned. You don’t have to accomplish extraordinary things to be an extraordinary person. You don’t have to own a mansion, have the perfect family, or win a Nobel Prize to have value.
Some of the greatest people I know aren’t celebrated by the world. They’re the stay-at-home parents who pour love and wisdom into their children. They’re teachers who inspire quietly, without fanfare. They’re friends who show up when you need them most.
Your true worth is not measured by what you achieve or what you own. It’s measured by who you are at your core.
Stop Chasing, Start Being
We live in a world that constantly tells us we’re not enough. Magazine ads, social media, and even our own insecurities push us to chase after an ideal that doesn’t exist. But what if you stopped chasing? What if you simply embraced who you are, flaws and all?
I encourage you to ask yourself: What makes the true me?
When you let go of the negative self-talk, when you stop attaching your identity to external things, you free yourself. You are no longer held hostage by the endless messages telling you, “You’re not enough.”
You realize that you are not defined by the things you own, the titles you hold, or the image you project. You are so much more than that. So embrace this truth, and you’ll find a deep, unshakable peace.
And you realize that you are enough—just as you are.
Back to the Moustache
So, what about my moustache? Well, I know now that I don’t need it to look wise or accomplished. True wisdom isn’t in how you look—it’s in knowing who you are and being at peace with it.
Will the moustache stay? You’ll have to book a meeting with me to find out. It would be a great excuse to catch up! But whether it stays or goes, one thing is certain: I’m done chasing who I think I should be.
For now, I’ll leave you with this thought: You are already enough, just as you are. Don’t let anyone—or any moustache—convince you otherwise.
